Raw.



Today I feel raw.  My thoughts and feelings are on display and I don't seem to have it in me to mask them. 

Everything I've read, all the internal work I've done, it's not helping today. It's one of those days. A bad day. The one that makes the good days 'good'. Today is like what dark is to the light, drought is to the flood, grief is to joy. I'm walking through tar.

It's pouring outside, so much rain! Thunder and lighting too. A worldly manifestation of my churning mind. 

I watch myself this way - from above. I see troubles hanging over me like dark brooding clouds. I know tomorrow will be different. Probably better. But today is all I have right now. And today is hard. 

But I know better now. I have had so many of these days that I've come to cherish these days too. I feel so much on days like today. I really experience myself. I notice how Time slows down. I watch my thoughts dart about in my head. I feel my heart race for no reason. I am alive, and this is all part and parcel of being. 

Everything is so vivid on a day like today, so raw. Feelings, thoughts, loves lost, the smell of the earth, the sound of the rain, the sound of my pain. 

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