Mum. Unedited.

Today I feel raw .  My thoughts and feelings are on display and I don't seem to have it in me to mask them.  Everything I've read, all the internal work I've done, it's not helping today. It's one of those days. A bad day. The one that makes the good days 'good'. Today is like what dark is to the light, drought is to the flood, grief is to joy. I'm walking through tar. It's pouring outside, so much rain! Thunder and lighting too. A worldly manifestation of my churning mind.  I watch myself this way - from above. I see troubles hanging over me like dark brooding clouds. I know tomorrow will be different. Probably better. But today is all I have right now. And today is hard.  But I know better now. I have had so many of these days that I've come to cherish these days too. I feel so much on days like today. I really experience myself. I notice how Time slows down. I watch my thoughts dart about in my head. I feel my heart race for no reason. I am a

  I wait for the words   To come out of the silence. But for now, I only hear the music. Only I hear the music. It’s playing a sad song today. Piano. Then violin and cello batter the strings of my heart.  A tear breaks free And it runs down my cheek. I think of the love lost. A love treasured. Your sweet smile, your tender voice.  It tears me apart.  We are one, and yet Who am I? But only a shadow of your being.  Take me with you To the bottom 10,000 miles below Where time is standing still.  Under water.  A guitar starts to strum. Reminiscing the good times we shared.  I know that I’d rather have lived a day, with you Than a lifetime without.  But if I could only have one more of those carefree days. I’ll miss you for the rest of all of my days. Our moments together come alive  In my mind’s eye.  I almost smile, welling up with gratitude.  That you ever lived.  I will always remember.  I will always remember. I will always miss you. I will a